When you have a baby and lose your identity…..
Having children has always been a dream of mine and after the fertility struggles I feel beyond blessed to have two small people in my life. However before they arrived I knew who I was and looked after myself. After a hard day at work, I loved nothing more than coming home having a workout and then a long relaxing bath. I didn’t realise back then how time was such a luxury and took for granted a hot cup of tea (I must make about 10 cups a day and only drink 2 if i’m lucky!!). The funny thing is when you are pregnant you read all the right books about taking care of baby and attend amazing antenatal classes but you never stop to think about how you will change, how life may look on the other side and how to continue to take care of yourself!
Then, wham bam thank you mam, this little person arrives in your life and they are demanding, consuming, fascinating and so precious. I remember after having Freddie me and my hubby would spend our evenings just staring at this beautiful little boy sleeping in his moses basket. While we planned a night to watch trash telly and chat, before long we would be just looking at his little face and pointing out everything he was doing, “ Rob did you see that, he just hic-cupped, look its so cute”. Days turn into months and time flies past and the amount of time you allow yourself to look after you gets less and less. In the first few years you come to accept the loss of identity and even when offered time to have a relax you rush through the downtime to get back to them. It’s a weird inner balancing act where you crave you time but when it happens you cant switch off like you used to and often forgo it completely it the end.
After my 2nd child arrived I was already spinning a thousand plates so adding another human into the mix was fine. That’s the word I would use a lot to anyone that asked me, fine became my mantra and I think maybe that was me trying to convince myself that I was because inside I was an exhausted mess, surviving on a good cup of tea and the thought of the kids 7pm bedtime! Finding time for yourself to feel good is crucial in being the best version of yourself, being constantly knackered means you have a lack of patience, mood swings, erratic sleep, low self worth, lower libido, comfort eating, back/neck pain from stress and can increase anxiety. Its only when you do something for yourself and feel the benefit you suddenly realise how bad you had gotten. This isn’t something that will change overnight but recognizing how you feel and wanting to change is the first stage.
Being a mum is the most incredible job I have had but its also grueling at times and there are days when I feel like i’m not doing a very good job. However I do want to start taking better care of myself not just for me but for my family. Showing my husband that I may not be the same woman he married but I’m actually a better one as motherhood has taught me to be resilient and opened my heart up to even more love than I knew existed. I need to look after myself for my kids, I want them to remember mummy loved and cared for them with every ounce she had and gave up everything for the first few years but I also want them to have a mummy that’s happy and healthy, which means a little but more self love is needed.
Some of you may read this and think that self care is selfish and when you have children that’s all the matters. But you have to keep yourself running in order to take care of everyone else. Its not selfish it’s a necessity and should be encouraged. So if you’re pregnant or a new mum, be gentle with yourselves, your baby is the most important thing in the world but they need a mummy who is happy and healthy to help them thrive. And mummies out there with older children the message still remains the same, you’re a blinking wonderful mum so allow yourself that time out and watch how quickly you feel more alive. xoXox