What’s all the fuss about self-care?!

Self-care seems to be a phrase banded about these days without any real meaning behind the term. What I find even more interesting is how differently men and woman seem to understand the word and put it into practice. But before we get stuck into that, what does self-care mean to you?

To me self-care isn’t just a short-term fix where we paint our toe nails or put a face mask on, its little acts of kindness both mentally and physically that create a generally improved well-being. In order to improve self-care we need to first understand that without it we simply can’t function to the best of our abilities. Although as a mum you always put your children above yourself and that’s love, what about showing yourself the same kind of love? How many times have you bickered with your partner because you are run down and fed up with not having a time out and quiet time to focus. How many times have you made plans with friends and as the day arrives you know you are actually dreading it because you’re tired and haven’t had the mental space to think let along hold a stimulating adult conversation. But the fear of missing out pushes you out into the real world and for another day you push your own needs and wants deep down. I think one of my biggest excuses for not giving myself enough rest and recharging is that fact that i’m knackered, but this becomes a perpetual loop.

I know that my husband sees self-care as things that you might do to look good. Bless him he means well but often he focuses on the physical things that we could do to feel better like having a massage, washing my hair (mainly because I’m always moaning that I need to do it!!) and doing your nails. Now don’t get me wrong that is self-care and is important to how we feel but for women self-care involves emotions and mental space too. Listening to podcasts on my drive to work has made such a difference to my mental abilities to juggle the different roles I’m playing, switching from Mum to therapist, to wife, and back to Mum. The same goes for emotional self-care, I know when I’m feeling low it can make me feel isolated and lonely. So taking the time to chat with friends on the phone or even better in person makes a huge difference to my self-worth. There isn’t an exact science with self-care, it’s about what is right for you and when you work it out its about ensuring it happens as often as possible to keep you happy and healthy.

I think it’s important to remember that life is so fast paced and we’re all trying to cram so much in to utilise our time but the more run down you are the less consistent and less present you are among those you care about. When we spread ourselves too thin, even when we are with our family or friends we aren’t giving them the full supercharged version of ourselves and you are missing out on being fully engaged with the moment. In 2018 15.4 million people took days off due to stress, depression or anxiety and this figure will rise unless we start taking care or ourselves as much as we look after our loved ones. So make the pact with yourself that every day you will shut down social media and turn off the TV and do something that makes you feel good both physically and mentally. I’m going to get back into reading books and taking time to have a long bath, both make me happy but not if there’s a toddler grabbing the pages or trying to share the bath!! Having time to yourself and being alone isn’t antisocial or rude it’s a simple necessity in the modern world to keep your head clear and focused and to improve overall mood and health. So as I dust off my yoga mat that hasn’t seen the light of day since Lola arrived, and download some new books to suck me in, I hope you start to think about what makes you feel fabulous and make the small steps everyday towards a more zen you!