New Year's Reflection - Hope, Loss and Happiness

As another year finishes it is easy to get sucked into the negative thoughts and long lists of resolutions that you believe will make you a better person. But NEWSFLASH… you are pretty amazing just the way you are. Every year we enjoy Christmas festivities while knowing that in January we are going to go on extreme diets and gym routines in order to make us love our bodies a bit more and feel part of the get fit club. The problem is you’re setting yourself up for not only a miserable January (which is always hard anyway with the dark days and long month before pay day) but also, you now hate your body and need to see weight loss to feel better. Take the pressure off and focus on 2020 being the year of self-preservation and re connecting with yourself. Set yourself achievable goals that will make you feel good all year round and create a strong body and mind connection.

‘Self care is not about self indulgence, it’s about self preservation’

For all of you that aren’t where you wanted to be this year…. it’s ok. This may have been the year you thought you would be pregnant, and it’s just not happened yet. Try not to let the hope die out because hope is very valuable to reaching our goals. Hope keeps the light inside us burning and give us drive to try again even in the darkest times. Hope makes us human and creates the fire in our bellies to put ourselves into the fertility wheel. Just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t happen in 2020, you just have to dig deep and keep pushing forward. So when you reflect on your year and perhaps feel sad, angry or disappointed… that’s ok. Your feelings are normal and justified so let them out and find that release. This new year brings more chances to find your happy ending, you just have to keep believing.

‘Once you choose Hope,. anything is possible’

For anyone ending the year having experienced a personal loss, it’s ok to feel sad and like a tiny part of your heart has broken and gone forever. Loss isn’t straight forward and at the end of the year it can feel overwhelming and unfair when everyone appears to be having the time of their lives. For me loss often comes in waves and even on your best days something can trigger a memory or feeling that stops you in your track. But I like to imagine our loved ones are sitting on the clouds watching over us with a big bag of popcorn. Watching us navigate through life and joining us for all the good and the bad. When I have anxious days where I feel frustrated or sad, I find myself chatting to my Nan in the clouds as I drive home from work. Now yes this sounds like I’m losing my mind but for me it’s a calming connection that works for me. Crying is also allowed, and you should never feel that grief is a process that should be rushed. What a legacy that person must have left that even on good days the tears can appear at the slightest thought of them. So with self-preservation the central focus for 2020, I urge you to embrace all aspects of loss and find your way of feeling calm. If something is too painful to do or see then don’t do it. Keep hold of the love and remember your friend or family member is watching YOU live your life and they are so very proud.

‘Little by little we let go of loss, but never of love’

To all the sleep deprived, stressed out parents running on empty batteries…I salute you. Being a parent means always putting someone else above your needs. It means giving away your lunch, drinking cold tea, sharing a bath with a million plastic bath toys, struggling to get decent sleep, worrying about a little human 24/7 and giving everything you have physically and mentally. Instead of making a new year’s resolution to be less shouty, more fun or any other parenting rules you think you should be applying, instead make 2020 the year of self-preservation and allow yourself down time.  The more time you give yourself the stronger mentally you will feel to parent the way you want to. So accept help when offered it, it doesn’t make you weak or a rubbish parent, it’s actually the opposite and shows that importantly you care about yourself too. Allow telly or iPads for half hour here and there if it means you get to eat or shower. Let there be mess (which again sounds like I’m losing my mind) but if it helps give you 5 mins for a hot drink and a sit down then do it. Let’s make tiny changes to our days that help us remain stronger both physically and mentally this year.

‘You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm’

So not matter what your situation and what your head space is like, celebrate the end of another year and the chance to have an even better year ahead. Let’s be kinder to ourselves and to others and let’s not torture ourselves with body hating resolutions this year!

xxx